What I know and what I (don’t) know

The chicken and potatoes:

  • I know I’m struggling to acclimate to a warmer and more humid climate
  • I know that the harder I train these days the slower I seem to get as a result
  • I know that it is frustrating as all get up to pour myself into training every day only to falter time and time again in races
  • I know I’m better than this
  • I know I won’t be winning anything anytime soon but I want to actually compete
  • I know it’s moments like this that make me stronger and help to build my resolve
  • I know coaching myself is way more difficult than I ever imaged
  • I know I love every minute of this process because it’s the most complex and rewarding thing I’ve done to date
  • I know the people who matter most support me 100% and stand behind me after every set back and triumph (when I eventually have one)

The week old chicken and potatoes:

  • I don’t know how to be consistent in my training… yet (something I do know is one of the most important aspects of training)
  • I don’t know how to overcome training and racing in heat… yet (besides giving it A LOT of time)
  • I don’t know how to manage my nutrition well enough… yet
  • I don’t know how much time it takes to figure things out… yet
  • I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to compete for a win in a major race… yet

I try my very hardest to avoid the phrase “I just need to catch a break”. To me the phrase implies some sort of luck or good fortune helps me to overcome an obstacle in my way of a satisfactory race performance. I’d rather earn it, not catch it. Maybe that sounds too similar to the latter but in my head it makes good sense. I want to work for my goal, I want to gut it out and bleed for a good result. I would like the satisfaction of showing myself (and others) that you don’t have to be a gifted athlete to achieve some amazing results. I want to prove that hard work really does pay off at some point and just because I didn’t spend the first part of my life as a stud athlete I can still race with them.

I want my struggle and potential triumph to resonate with other folks and their goals and dreams. I understand I swim, bike, and run and I’m not curing a disease or stopping any wars. Sports (and triathlon in particular) can be such a vehicle for good. I want to be good and show that an honest effort can and will result in something good and worthwhile. In reality, I don’t even want the result of my efforts to be a source of inspiration for anyone, including myself. I want the process, determination, dedication, and my unrelenting resolve to inspire something I’m proud of. I’m not sure I’ll ever make a difference (and I don’t even know what that means) but I do want to be different.

I know that I love what I do and I love the people I’ve surrounded myself with that support what I do. I’m loving who I am and where I am right now. I’m loving the challenges I face and loving what I learn from each agonizing defeat.

Today is a good day.

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